I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
