she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize