stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
