I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".