Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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