I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
