Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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