I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.