Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
