No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
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Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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