So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
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I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
