If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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