there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
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