I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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