I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
