I need help removing her.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Randomize
