How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
