If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
