She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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