one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
