What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
