All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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