this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You dont lie about slip and slides
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
