I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize