I'm going to jail i love you
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You are the jesus of drinking
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
