Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
