You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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