the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
