i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
