Having a random hookup so left but love u
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
