I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
