i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
