i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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