He had one of those small greek statue penises
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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