Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
whose parrot is this?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Randomize