It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
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