If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
