I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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