I should be sponsored by Trojan
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
