once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
