drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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