I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
