i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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