I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
