it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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