if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
We need to feng shui this bitch.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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