he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
