What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
