sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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