do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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