ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
