He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
