Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
