real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I think my vagina is haunted
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
