Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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