You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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