whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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