After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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