Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
