Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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