Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
