if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize