I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Houston, we have a squirter
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
