My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I could make wine with my vomit
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
