distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
