Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
