Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
