Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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