Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize