Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize