There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
