I like to think it a success when the cops are called
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
