But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
