Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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