I'll bet she douches with gravy.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
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